On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
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