Well douche your snatch and let's go!
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
