Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
