At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
