Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
