guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
