he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
