the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
