No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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