I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
