My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
