There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
