I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
