this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
