Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
