It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
