k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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