If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Randomize
