Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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