I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I think your dad took our porno
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
