he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
