hotel room ftw
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
