Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
