we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
