well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I want to have your abortion
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
