haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
