just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
