Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Randomize
