Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
