I accidentally burped into my bong.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
