I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Randomize
