Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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