Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
