I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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