Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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