I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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