UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Randomize
