I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
