I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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