I just threw up on my dentist
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
