we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
where does the pee come out of this thing
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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