He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
