What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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