Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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