Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I need to calm my uterus...
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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