That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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