Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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