She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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