Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
