How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
