I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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